The King is dead! Long live the King!

2010 ended almost as shitty as it behaved for the past eight months. My boyfriend and I were fighting - I didn't wanna do anything, he wanted to celebrate with friends. I started the 31st of December crying, then jumping up and down in bed like Rumpelstilzchen's evil twin sister, screaming "You better start being fucking nice to me right now. RIGHT now. You get me?"
As much pride as I usually like to take in the fact that I am a pretty fucking low maintenance girlfriend, I still know how to throw one hell of an uncalled-for tantrum.
Left his house, bawling. Went to the health insurance to get myself off of sick leave, only it was closed. Walked home, bawling. Made arrangements to celebrate at Kat's and agreed to join the shopping venture. Popped a valium. Started watching a Don Johnson movie with a horse. Liked it.
Went grocery shopping to the biggest and most run-over supermarket in town (once we were done retrieving our groceries which was an epic quest by itself, we waited in line to pay for 45 minutes. And we were in the short queue. Uh-Huh.).
Came home, threw up. Decided to lay down.
Got up, dyed my hair. The company changed its tags or something though, the color wasn't as light as it was supposed to be, which turned out to be my icing on a shitty day. Then, my boyfriend arrived at my house, declaring he didn't wanna go anywhere after all. Ran to Kat's to retrieve at least one bottle of bubbly for midnight, rushed home. By midnight, everything was good though. Harmonic even. My honey and I took a little walk to the Wienzeile, watching the fireworks all around us.
Finally, 2010 was over! So much dread these past few months what with being fired plus the holidays are never too easy to take given my family-situation. Finally, I could declare the King of Antipathy that ruled my thoughts dead and start over. All fresh. Everything all shiny and new: 2011.

Seriously, I was so ready for it. At the same time, however, the whole new year starting scared me shitless. In the end, not all that much has changed. Three days into 2011, I find myself officially healthy, umemployed and superproductive.
Spent the morning running to the health insurance (again, and this time they were open), researching how to do a real professional concept/business plan and making all sorts of important calls.
Plus, I think the antidepressants are actually doing something for me. I wasn't sure, but maybe I acted like a hypersensitive irrational loonie for two days because I forgot to take my happy pill on the 30th. At any rate, I needed to take a break from the productive-ness. And share.
Maybe this year will be ruled by positive change. I hope so.

This weekend, I got another seminar coming up, really looking forward to it.
Gotta get the concept done by the weekend because it's sorta due next week. And it'll need some proof reading and input.

It's kinda funny, when faith is all you got to hold on to, it's not that hard to hope and do.

Legends of the Fall

I just noticed my last post was in September, so maybe a little update won't hurt. Dark times, during autumn. You could say the attacking things were attacking me pretty bad.
A few days after my last blog entry, I was informed that my boss, who also happens to be my aunt who also happens to have told everyone I was the daughter she never had, was letting me go while I was on sick leave. Coincidentally, this happened immediately after I wrote her I was hoping to return to work very soon.
Now, if ya think during all those months of me being sick with depression, my loving auntie checked on me even once - via phone, e-mail or even in person, you're wrong. She chose to be pissed at me.
I took it pretty hard. At the time, things weren't looking too good - my mom's husband wasn't replying, I was running out of money and perspective plus suddenly, I was out of a job and fucked over harshly by a family member and one of the few people I still let myself remain close to. On top of that, my antidepressants still weren't working.
Desperate, I bid my time. Then I got some money from my mom's husband, enrolled in an animal psychology course and started concentrating on the changes ahead, especially the positive opportunities they presented. Change scares the shit out of me.
But currently, I've absolved three of my twelve monthly dog psychology weekend-seminars. I've applied for unemployment money and if everything goes right, they'll put me in this nine month entrepreneureal programm teaching everything essential for self-employment. As soon as winter break ends, I am contacting the veterinary university because next fall, it will offer anthrozoology as a BA-study. Since that would be right up my ally, I would spend the spring semester getting a college-license (sorta like a GED, but only sorta), taking my business-classes and my monthly weekend-seminars. By September, I could study while being self-employed. Awesomeness. Keep your fingers crossed for me. Please.
I could really need a few things going my way.